Happy 4th of July!

And how was your 4th?

Overall, it was fun. After spending the early afternoon at my parent’s house, we ended up at a friend’s house. By around 6pm, I found myself sitting at their kitchen table with three new mommies. Mommy 1 had 3 kids, ages 6, 4, and 19 months. Mommy 2 had a 6 year old and a newborn. Mommy 3 had a 4 year old and was about 3 months shy of delivering a new one. Guess how much of the conversation I contributed to?

The conversation was a combination of cute, funny, and downright scary! It started off with story exchanges about “… Amy is enrolled in _______ this summer….,” and how “…Tommy doesn’t wear 4T anymore, can you believe it?” I actually felt like I was sitting in English class, trying to convince myself that Shakespeare really was English. After about 45 minutes, the conversation turned to me.
“So when are you and your husband expecting?”
“Honestly, we thought you all might have some news for us today!”
“How long do you plan to wait?”

Hmmm…. My answer comes out stuttering, surprised, and kind of clueless. Will they shun me if I don’t say the right thing? Is this the extent of how I would ever be able to contribute to the conversation? Would I be considered inhumane if I’m happy being childless right now?
“We want to wait awhile.” I want to say more, but I really don’t know what that would be. So my answer leads to advice and stories about pregnancy. I heard something about an early break of the placenta, and morning sickness through the second trimester (yes, that’s 6 frickin’ months of sick). I heard, “Don’t wait too long” a couple of times. Honestly, it was interesting and I appreciate the warnings, but a little overwhelming for someone who believes herself way too selfish for kids at this point in her life.

I’ve attended similar events with married + children couples and the majority of the conversations the women want to chat about are the kids. I’m usually the youngest of this particular group when you compare how long I’ve been married. As far as I’m concerned we’re still in that phase of trying to decide if we really like that person we jumped the broom with, but whenever we hang out with this type of social circle I feel so out of place, like an outsider. I can’t really contribute anything to the conversation.

I look over at my husband who is in heavy conversation with a group of dads on the other side of the room. I know for a fact that children and marriage is not anything close to what they are talking about. I also know that we’ve decided to wait on that bundle of joy, but then why leave me at a party, cornered with a group of mommies? Isn’t that a little dangerous? I’ve talked to him about the way I feel in these situations, but he doesn’t get it. I’m used to the conversations about getting the newest Coach purse, venting about Master’s work, or who’s about to do that big buy first home purchase? At this particular moment, I long for the back and forth with my friends about interpreting “what he meant when he did that”, and the ongoing planning of the next girls’ trip.

I politely excuse myself, walk over to where my man is hanging out with the dad’s and sit down. He wraps his arm around me and I whisper in his ear, “Time to go”.