My wish list....

I'd be able to eat chocolate as many times a day as I felt like it and not worry about gaining weight.

Working out would be easy for me, and I'd enjoy it.

I'd have a crystal ball that allowed me to see into the future when I'm really stressed out.

I'd be able to work from home as many days a week as I cared to, doing something I love, and making a seven figure salary.

Flowers (of my choice) would grow in any spot in my yard, just by willing it so.

Housework would get done, just by willing it so.

My grandparents would still be around to see me as an adult.

Plane trips to Bora Bora only seemed like a couple of hours long.

I could go natural with my hair one day, relax it the next, then natural again.

Seasons of Sex and the City were still being made on HBO

My husband was actually an HGTV employee, and could fix or stage anything. If he could cut down a tree and build a pergola in an hour, the better.

I had spent more time laughing instead of studying in college.

You have to pass a test before you are allowed to procreate.

Gardening is hard

My new hobby this summer has been becoming an expert gardener. I love flowers (mostly looking at them), and I see magazine articles at the grocery store of these absolutely BEAUTIFUL landscapes. Then I will spend several hours throughout the week glued to some home and garden episode of Curb Appeal or Yard Crashers, thinking I can do that! Then there’s this lady at my job who is always chatting about the positives of having a garden. I think I could envision myself with some type of garden scene in my backyard. I’ve got a house I really like with a blank slate back yard, and so I think it’s only right that I build some type of nature preserve.

Well it all sounded good in theory, but executing has been a different story! So we started off with this landscaper who did about 75% of what he quoted to us. But it wasn’t so bad, because I think we only paid him about 85% of what we agreed to. But he got us off to a good start. We have a couple of flower beds now with roses and some other perennials in the back yard. Then he planted a bunch of annuals in the front yard, put down mulch around all the trees and shrubs and cleaned up otherwise desolate sections. So I took it upon myself to purchase some perennials and big art deco style pots for my deck and porch. It all looked really nice in the beginning, but then I realized the importance of watering. Thank God for the rainy May and June we had. But I’m learning, I have to actually go out EVERY day and water these things. The end products are beautiful, but when you miss a couple of days, it’s horrible. Blooms and soil dries up and the plant starts to give you this pitiful look of misery.

Watering isn’t easy either. At first I had this watering pot that required 2-3 fill ups, and that I walked around the yard with. That turned into watering what was within close proximity and ignoring the yard plants. But after doing that May and June, I can’t take the look of my yard plants anymore, so I’m starting to engineer a sprinkler system. I went to Lowes and purchased a hodgepodge of hoses and directional sprinklers which I plan to assemble and arrange around the yard myself.

And then there’s weeding, and then next month I’ll have to start changing out the soil in some of the plants. September will be the start of planting flowers for next year. I had no idea it was this much work and I didn’t know it would take so much time! Right now, I just don’t know about next year… Gardening is really a beautiful hobby, but it’s hard.

Happy 4th of July!

And how was your 4th?

Overall, it was fun. After spending the early afternoon at my parent’s house, we ended up at a friend’s house. By around 6pm, I found myself sitting at their kitchen table with three new mommies. Mommy 1 had 3 kids, ages 6, 4, and 19 months. Mommy 2 had a 6 year old and a newborn. Mommy 3 had a 4 year old and was about 3 months shy of delivering a new one. Guess how much of the conversation I contributed to?

The conversation was a combination of cute, funny, and downright scary! It started off with story exchanges about “… Amy is enrolled in _______ this summer….,” and how “…Tommy doesn’t wear 4T anymore, can you believe it?” I actually felt like I was sitting in English class, trying to convince myself that Shakespeare really was English. After about 45 minutes, the conversation turned to me.
“So when are you and your husband expecting?”
“Honestly, we thought you all might have some news for us today!”
“How long do you plan to wait?”

Hmmm…. My answer comes out stuttering, surprised, and kind of clueless. Will they shun me if I don’t say the right thing? Is this the extent of how I would ever be able to contribute to the conversation? Would I be considered inhumane if I’m happy being childless right now?
“We want to wait awhile.” I want to say more, but I really don’t know what that would be. So my answer leads to advice and stories about pregnancy. I heard something about an early break of the placenta, and morning sickness through the second trimester (yes, that’s 6 frickin’ months of sick). I heard, “Don’t wait too long” a couple of times. Honestly, it was interesting and I appreciate the warnings, but a little overwhelming for someone who believes herself way too selfish for kids at this point in her life.

I’ve attended similar events with married + children couples and the majority of the conversations the women want to chat about are the kids. I’m usually the youngest of this particular group when you compare how long I’ve been married. As far as I’m concerned we’re still in that phase of trying to decide if we really like that person we jumped the broom with, but whenever we hang out with this type of social circle I feel so out of place, like an outsider. I can’t really contribute anything to the conversation.

I look over at my husband who is in heavy conversation with a group of dads on the other side of the room. I know for a fact that children and marriage is not anything close to what they are talking about. I also know that we’ve decided to wait on that bundle of joy, but then why leave me at a party, cornered with a group of mommies? Isn’t that a little dangerous? I’ve talked to him about the way I feel in these situations, but he doesn’t get it. I’m used to the conversations about getting the newest Coach purse, venting about Master’s work, or who’s about to do that big buy first home purchase? At this particular moment, I long for the back and forth with my friends about interpreting “what he meant when he did that”, and the ongoing planning of the next girls’ trip.

I politely excuse myself, walk over to where my man is hanging out with the dad’s and sit down. He wraps his arm around me and I whisper in his ear, “Time to go”.