The lyrics in this song really resonate with me so I wanted to share...

Glitter In The Air lyrics
Songwriters: Mann, Billy; Moore, Alecia;

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It's only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table, the walk before the run
The breath before the kiss and the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

**Fave part in the song**
There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee, calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight? Tonight

Thanks to: http://www.elyrics.net/read/p/pink-lyrics/glitter-in-the-air-lyrics.html for providing the lyrics

Crack-head

So I’m signed up for this aerobics class.

At times it can be really fun. I got fooled into that early on! You go in there, you get a sense of girl power, you think, “this isn’t exercise, it’s dancing and it’s darn fun!” So at the beginning, I’d say for about a month, I was really into it. I was going 2-3 times a week and then I started dropping off because of a busy schedule, inconvenient class times, and most of all laziness.

I have these cycles too. I get really motivated and do really well for a month. Then I slow down the next month and go half as much and then I go like the next two months one or two times total. And then the cycle of motivation begins again! I could never understand how the “regulars” did it. Every Tues and Thursday or Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. I mean, I got so unmotivated as quickly as I become motivated. And what made it worse was that the teachers were so damn happy! They seemed to live for their classes. Some were so good they could bring up current event topics during a routine. They start shouting, “1 and 2 and 3 and Hey did anyone see ‘Dancing with the Stars’ last night? Boy was it good!” I think I heard one time that exercise is supposed to create/ stimulate endorphins and endorphins make you happy, but it didn’t seem to work for me. I honestly would be in the middle of a high intensity workout barely keeping up with the “top of the curve” routine; I’m ‘sparkling’ profusely; I’m in pain, thinking about the beach I’d rather be lying on; the instructor is telling us to “lift higher!” or “push more!” and I think to myself- this chick has got to be a crack-head; how can she keep going?!

So why am I bringing all of this up? Well I’m in one of my cycles again- the unmotivated month- and I’m wondering what I can do to inspire myself. I wonder what it would be like to become a crack-head (aka the aerobics instructor). I mean think about it… you get paid to be fit; paid to stay in shape. One of my biggest motivators in life is money! While it doesn’t necessarily drive me it certainly gives great directions. So can cash be an inspiration to workout? If I can move from student to teacher, then not only am I OBLIGATED to go, I’m financially bound. More importantly, it’s a goal. I’ve always worked out for the reasons of “I want to be in better shape,” or “I want to fit a smaller size” but it doesn’t keep my attention. Maybe if I try to set the goal of training to become an instructor? I certainly don’t want to get up there and embarrass myself and cycles can’t occur for a regular instructor (right?). Who knows if I’d ever really make it, and this may just be a new entry for me in my ever repeating cycle, but wouldn’t it be tremendous if it worked? Guess we’ll see….

“I want a wife”

A friend of mine once said to me… “Caroline, I want a wife.” She is female and so I said, “uhm…babe… is there something you want to tell me?” After giving me a death stare she said, “No, I don’t want a wife for companionship; of course I want a man for that, but I want a wife for what they can do.” I thought about this briefly at the time, thought it was cute, but didn’t put much more thought into it. Then I got married and found out that she was ABSOULTELY right.

When I married my husband, I found that a strange and very specific surgery takes place. The man receives a secret lobotomy- I’m dead serious. And in the removal of this particular section of his brain, he ceases to function as the independent person that you knew him for when you dated. Honestly, it’s one of mother nature’s cruel tricks. I’ll explain.

Point 1: The kitchen has become a foreign place to him

While we were dating, I remember on several occasions being woken up to a freshly prepared breakfast- not cereal and a nutra-grain bar, but eggs, bacon, toast, grits, fresh fruit… I remember getting off work to hang out with him in the evening, and getting to his place to find a special dinner prepared by HIM. But now, I’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem to remember how to wash a dish, let alone cook! Since marrying, I’ve gotten ONE (exactly ONE) meal prepared for me by the “husband” version of this person. I think I also received a mild attempt when a cereal bowl was filled for me as well? Grocery shopping is as he puts it, “all me” and kitchen cleaning has become completely reliant on me. Instead of asking him to wash the dishes, I ask him to load them into the dishwasher, because cleaning a dish has turned into “rinse it and stick it on the drying rack”. I asked him once… “Did you want to make dinner a couple of nights this week?” And I got- “but you do it so well, I’d just mess it up!”

Point 2: Common sense is out the door.

I don’t like dumb people. I just don’t have the patience. Anyone who knows me knows I have pretty high expectations. When I was dating I had some guidelines, some of which were college educated, income minimum, finance savvy, common sense. And my “final pick” has all that stuff, but the last one is tested A LOT. Post-wedding, the displays of common sense are few and far between. Can you please explain to me why someone so educated, someone entrusted with the lives of minors on a regular basis, someone who is VERY financially savvy can have such as the following conversation with me?

Me: “Why is there broken glass all over the front stoop of the house?”

Caveman: “Oh, yeah. I had an accident with the window today. There was this icicle hanging from the roof [Note: the icicle was directly in front of an upstairs window], so I threw a [very large] shovel directly at it [and the house] to knock it down. Didn’t want it to fall and hurt someone and then we get sued…[wink]” I am on the receiving end of things like that at least 2x a month!

Point 3: He can no longer find anything

Guess what?! My name is no longer the one on my birth certificate. In fact I haven’t heard that one in awhile. Instead I hear, “Babe, have you seen by _______”. It’s funny in a way, because in the course of his lobotomy, I believe that God has stepped in and complimented his loss with a gift just for me- sharpening my senses to those similar to a cyborg blood hound. I regularly notice the location of things and my memory has increased ten-fold. In the course of noticing locations, I automatically, internally process it for future reference. For instance when hearing, “Babe, have you seen my wallet?” My brain automatically remembers the last time I saw it. Then I quickly interview him about his recent whereabouts, and am able to locate the said item (in 30 minutes or less! I’m like 15 and 0, by the way). I’m amazed myself sometimes, and the places we will locate things- inside his shoe, on the ground outside, trash can…. It’s scary.

I love him, and these events make life so memorable, but if his new shortcomings are becoming my new duties of a wife, then I want one too!

A new and liberating "do"

I’m almost 28 years old and I’d say I’ve learned a lot so far. I know all about buying and selling a home. I’m SLOWLY learning the tricks to surviving a first year of marriage. I am constantly learning how to deal with all the interesting types of people I work with. But most recently, I’ve learned something that has tremendously changed my life for the better. Something that adds so much more value to my well being…. I’ve learned that tampons are my friend!

Ok, so you’re probably saying, “what the hell?” I’ll explain. I think I was 10 when I had my first health class? Do you remember your own? The introduction to the usage of a pad and a tampon. The pad- good, great. Something to capture the ever wonderful time of the month when the lining of my uterus decides to spill out uncontrollably for 5-7 days (less if you’re lucky). In my young, inexperienced eyes, the pad was a great invention- usually large enough to provide a non-evasive approach to protection, and small enough to remain minimally noticed. Definite clean up to manage, but otherwise straight forward usage. I’m liking this concept.

And then there’s the tampon.

I remember that the explanation of this clever device came with the picture of a lady in a half elevated lunge position. Accompanying this instruction was usually a picture, cross sectioning the wall of a vagina, showing how to actually insert the device. Following are various stages of my life that have experienced the tampon since this brief introduction.

10 years old: It looked so awkward! Intrusive, borderline torture device. I mean how the heck am I supposed to get this thing in? Cardboard rough applicator, insertion of a thick stub of cotton. What if it gets stuck? Can I take away my own virginity? And then having to eventually look for a flimsy string to yank the thing back out? Too complicated, not for me!

High school: Almost monthly I would receive the free promotional teen packages, from various sources and they would include some type of “time of the month” supply for girls. At every new opportunity to “try it”, I constantly re-enforced my stance with the dangers of toxic shock syndrome, the concern of affecting my reproductive ability [what I now know to be myths], and any other excuse that would justify avoidance at using this strange contraption.

College: I finally (for a day) gave in. The “Pearl” came out, I was intrigued, so I tried it. Unfortunately my inexperience and [what I now believe to be] my incorrect usage only led to awkward stances in public bathrooms, enduring pain as I sat down, and an entire day of paranoia as I worried about spillage. As far as I was concerned, pads were just less stressful in general. And so I became even more determined that pads would be my savior of choice.

But recently (7 years later), something very peculiar happened. It all started with my period deciding to come super early. This one particular, life changing time, I wasn’t prepared with my usual supply of pads, I was in the office, and to add to mother nature’s funny little joke, NO ONE had a pad! I was angry!!! What the crap?? Why was my monthly visit coming so early? I was pissed about the endurance of a pad for this extended amount of time, thinking of the additional hassle and annoyance that was sure to come with the extended amount of time. Alas, I had to rely on borrowing what I could which ended up being the enemy device.

And as I walked to the bathroom with the horrible little thing, fuming, I tried to prepare myself mentally. But instead of preparing my mind with all the negative history I’ve had with the said item, I tried to focus on conquering it. Tampons are used by millions of women a day, right? There’s obviously a huge market for the darn things. The millions if not billions of users out there can’t all think it’s so horrible. I’m more educated then I was at 10, so I know the difference between health concerns and myths. Have I ever really put a 100% into giving the said item a chance when I tried it? Not really, and maybe if I’m more open to the idea it won’t be so bad. Worse case, restroom paper towels (although unreliable) are useful.

It was liberating! Amazing! I went out and bought my own stash and some days I forgot I was on my period. No mess! No leaks. No more waking up in a horrible mood because I’ve slept in a fetal position to avoid leaks. No more avoidance of being held at night by my significant other in fear of incorrectly positioning my pad. It was wonderful, enlightening, and I can’t over stress how liberating, especially when put in correctly!

So call me late, old fashioned, whatever. But don’t we all have our quarks? People have their own preferences that we become so accustomed to and then we resign ourselves to the things we “would never do”. So I just wanted to share my most recent, fun and memorable experience of a very awesome and definite “do”.